5:25am, anniversaire

It is 5:25am. I haven't slept yet and I have an Anthropology exam at 8 am. What is wrong with me? I might need some medical help soon or to learn not to think as much. You know why life fucking sucks at this point? I love how now that I figured out who I am and who I want to associate myself with, I realize I don't fucking know what makes me happy anymore. Every time I get even one step closer to finding it, it gets taken away by some force. I don't know why it happens, but I've got to figure out what makes me truly happy and I don't think I'm going to find it. Grr. Very frustrating.

I have a silver piggy bank. I've been staring at it for a few minutes now and I still wonder: Why the fuck do I have a silver piggy bank? I've started the book, Stranger, 4390835 times and I can't get past page one. I am not in the mood to read that book or any book these days. Isn't that weird? I have lost the will to sit down and read something new and freshing. That's disturbing. I hope that feeling goes away.

I was so fucking fickle today. Had class, slept in it. First time I've ever slept in a college class. kgsdkhasd. Don't want to think about it. Then lunch then stuff then sleep then here I am. I was tired, then super happy, then feeling sorry for myself, then saying fuck off to the world. I am awkward. I say awkward like ackward and I should learn how to speak well.

I want to travel. Very badly. No money or time for that. That's pretty amazing.

I want to live a more interesting life. I was thinking the other day that my life would make a pretty boring slash basic book. Nothing too exciting, literary devices like irony and satire would be in it. I would be loved by very few, a boy would rip out a page and use it to throw away his gum one day. That's why I have to be a writer. Write about other people's lives and stories, but aren't all good writers supposed to use experience from their lives to make their writing more than just words on a page? Therefore, I'm going to have a boring book no matter what? I don't know what that means.

Enough of this rant. I'm going to listen to Vampire Weekend and feel good.

Listen to: Campus by Vampire Weekend

p.s. Happy Birthday Phil, Megan and Kristina, the day after.
[I care about them. Kind of. Sort of.] =]
hope your days are filled with phantasmagoria.
your day might looks shitty, like mine,
but at the end, the friends that matter
will always be there for you.
It's your birfday! Shit!